Counter Terrorist Unit

The Counter Terrorist Unit, beter luister je naar Jack Bauer, anders kom je in de problemen. Waarom? Nou kijk bijvoorbeeld naar de crewcup. Wie kreeg precies de 2 teams die ze wilden, juist CTU. Hoe? Tja, het kan toeval zijn, maar wij geloven in Jack Bauer.

Wie zijn wij?

De leden:

• Michel van Dinther

• Noijuh

• okmnji

• L. Moonen

• drisjuh

• mulderke

• Mr F

• ronaldo02

• AeroxR

Waarom is Jack the man?

1 The only reason Jack gave Nina mouth to mouth in Season 2 was because he had to kill her himself.

2 When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.

3 When bad things happen to good people, its probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s probably Jack Bauer.

4 Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction. 5 The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives. 6 When Jack Bauer ran out of ammo, he caught 3 bullets in his chest and used them to reload. 7 Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them." 8 Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was. 9 The 2007 budget for the US Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition. 10 After Season 6 of 24, the Chinese will be on the Endangered Species List. 11 Jack once shot himeself 10 times, just to prove 50 cent is a bitch. He proceeded to wrestle and aligator while talking to Chloe about schematics. 12 Jack Bauer arrested RoboCop. Think about that. 13 If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice. 14 If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12". 15 Life doesn't give Jack Bauer lemons. Life asks him which fruit he wants. 16 Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making him angry. 17 The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer. 18 Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer. 19 When you walk into a bar and Jack Bauer's your wingman, you're not probably gonna get laid. You WILL get laid. 53 6.85 20 ...and on the seventh day Jack Bauer said, "I'll take it from here." 21 Superman is one of the few individuals who could possibly survive a confrontation with Jack Bauer. But that is only because he can fly away. 22 There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television. 23 Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys. 24 Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man. 25 My husband doesn't wish he was Jack Bauer. He wishes I was Jack Bauer. 26 Jack Bauer let himself be drugged, beaten and captured inside a crate on a Chinese ship heading out of the USA with no way for help to find him. Now he has them right where we wants them. 27 Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun. 28 Jack Bauer does not get taken prisoner. He puts himself in a disadvantageous position so as to make his next several killings more dramatic. 29 Only Jack Bauer can fly a plane from the luggage compartment. 30 When Christopher Henderson tried to shoot Jack, his gun was, in fact, loaded. The bullets were just too scared to come out. 31 The only reason the Chinese kept Jack alive is so that he could bring down the population. 32 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight. 33 When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back. 34 Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas. 35 If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life. 36 When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade. 37 Jack Bauer is the only human in the world with the ability to make Chloe O'Brien drop the personality disorder and patch him through. 38 If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef. 39 Jack Bauer doesn't have a firewall on his PC. He has a Bauerwall. It's basically just a JPEG of Jack Bauer. No virus has ever attacked Jack Bauer's PC. Ever. 40 When Jack Bauer plays dodgeball, the ball dodges Jack Bauer. 41 MTV once tried to 'Punk' Kiefer Sutherland by staging a robery in a store. Sutherland smiled and pulled out his SIG and shot 3 actors in the head. This is why there was a new cast on Punk'd after season one. 42 If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it. 43 No matter how or when you die, the last thing you see will be Jack Bauer. 44 Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you. 45 If Jack Bauer gives you his word, return it immediately and run. 46 Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone. 47 Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. 48 Jack Bauer can break anyone and anything, but he will always break the protocol first. 49 A standard deck now contains 48 cards. Too many people were getting hurt for trying to play Jack. 50 Most pilots need 5,000 feet of runway to land a plane. Jack Bauer needs 100 feet and a gun. 51 Get one thing straight, the only reason that container ship is still afloat is that Jack Bauer doesn't feel like swimming all the way to China. 52 Jack Bauer is currently involved in a complex law suit with the California Department of Justice due to their attempt to ban Jack Bauer as an "Assault Weapon". Jack maintains he is primarily used for hunting and target shooting, and is quite safe to have around families. But statistics don't lie. 53 It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed. 54 Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves. 55 When Special Forces raided an afghan training camp, they found an empty camp and a pirated copy of 24 Season 4. 56 On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence. 57 When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..." 58 When 24 airs on the Spanish channel everyones lines are translated except for Jack's. The reason for this, nobody speaks for Jack Bauer. 59 Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men. 60 Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer. 61 American Idol is only popular because it has a commercial for 24. 62 Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours." 63 In order to control illegal immigration in the United States, the president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along the US/Mexico border. 64 Jack Bauer blew up the van in season one, just cause the interior wasn't to his likings. Gaines never shot his tire flat. 65 "You don't know Jack" is a blessing among terrorists. 66 Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital, underwent emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can't believe that pussy went to the hospital first. 67 Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness. 68 Jack Bauer once opened a can of whoop ass. All he found inside was a mirror. 69 Going to China is all part of Jack Bauer's master plan to rid the world of Communism. 70 Michael Jackson once told Jack Bauer to "beat it," and Jack Bauer beat the black out of him. Thus began Michael Jackson's downward spiral. 71 There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer way. It's basically the right way but faster and more deaths. 72 In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life? 73 Teri Bauer had her tubes tied years ago. That still didn't stop Jack. 74 Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry. 75 Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants. 76 Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer. 77 Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's fucking Jack Bauer. 78 Jack Bauer once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands. 79 Jack Bauer does not use doors. He makes his own. 80 When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun. 81 Jack needed a well-earned holiday after season 5. Drugged, captured, beaten and tortured in a cargo hold surrounded by Chinese agents eager for revenge is just his preferred method of travel - otherwise he tends to get bored on long trips. 82 Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away. 83 Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes. 84 If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus. 85 Jack Bauer teaches a course at Harvard entitled: "Time Management: Making the Most Out Of Each Day." 86 Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive. 87 Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers. 88 When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help. 89 Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're fucking dead." 90 If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Stalin and Hitler so they wouldn't have to bear witness to what he'd do to Nina. 91 Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent. 92 Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it. 93 Don't ever ask Jack Bauer what is going on. He'll explain in the car. 94 In the 18 months where Jack Bauer was presumed dead, Tony Almeida was put in a coma, Michelle and David Palmer were killed, a major hurricane raveged the Gulf Coast, and Rob Schneider made another movie. See what happens when Bauer isn't around? 95 Jack Bauer wasn't born, he was unleashed. 96 The Berlin Wall fell because Jack Bauer needed to get to the other side. 97 Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball. 98 In high school Jack Bauer was voted "Most Likely to Kill the Foreign Kid"... and "Best Eyes." 99 Jack Bauer brought sexy back, then shot Justin Timberlake for trying to take the credit. 100 Jack Bauer always wins in the game "Life." Obviously.

Historie

Bij de oprichting heetten we CZN, Crew Zonder Naam. Daarna werd de naam verandert in FC Bal op het dak, vanwege een tripje naar Rome met de school(halve crew). Hierbij schoten we de bal op het dak van een tankstation bij een potje voetbal op de terugreis. Onze naam was een feit. Nu een aantal mensen geen zin meer hebben in OSM, hebben we besloten de crew ook anders te noemen. Daarom heten we nu de Counter Terrorist Unit, als eerbetoon aan Jack Bauer.

Ex-leden zijn:

Coco SC Waubuh Don Yugo

Overlevering FCB

In de tijd van FC Bal op het dak hebben we genoeg tests gedaan en hierbij formules ontdekt die ondanks de naamswijziging niet verloren willen laten gaan. Dus voor de liefhebbers:

Fstift = ∆h•cosα•T^2•t•s/(¼√hg•r^3•e^p2,56Fw)

Fstift = kracht die je moet geven aan de bal met je voet

∆h = hoogte van stikftvlak tot dakrand

α = hoek met het dak

T = temperatuur

t = vervaltijd van de bal(BINAS tabel 105)

s = schoenmaat ( european value)

hg = grashoogte

r = straal bal

p = druk van de bal

Fw = wrijving van het gras